Smokin' Pole
is a featured segment of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.


Controversy Over Segment NameEdit


Arc-ists fought long and hard, but in the end their support melted away

Note: this segment was originally called "Arc! Who goes there?"

May 7, 2009 TokeEdit


  • Canada's secret military operation to claim the Arctic accidentally divulged to the public as Operation "Polar Breeze."
  • Russia planning to use nuclear powered drilling ships. Says Colbert "I have always felt that one of the things missing from nuclear reactors was the ability to capsize."
  • North Pole belongs to America, since Superman lives there.

March 12, 2008 TokeEdit


  • America's territorial claim
    • Alaska's continental shelf is bigger than previously discovered
  • Russia
    • impaled Russian flag underwater
  • American won Iditarod
  • If the pole falls into enemy hands, they could release the valve and deflate the entire globe!

July 31, 2007 TokeEdit


Stephen mentions Russia using a mini-submarine to plant a Russian flag at the North Pole to claim it (and it's natural resources) for Russia. Stephen urges America to fight back, fearing that if the Russians control the North Pole, they will control Christmas.

August 21, 2007 TokeEdit


Stephen dismisses Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harrrrper's territorial claim to the North Pole. When speaking of the Northwest Passage, Stephen points out that the Northwest Passage is an international passageway, and belongs to the world. And since the United States of America is the leader of the world, it belongs to us. Northwest Passages please!?!

June 7, 2007 TokeEdit


  • when ice cap melts
  • futuristic
    • Mad Mac meets Wealthy on Ice!
  • Ice Rangers
    • fight with Fire Rangers
  • Dr. Colbert hopes for ice zombies (braincicles)
  • five nations will allow UN to decide
    • anything that happens in the middle of the ocean is not gay
  • CBC pulling theme to Hockey Night in Canada
    • Stephen is going to license it to do American things like punch beavers in the face
Smokin' Pole
needs to be Colbertized
Please watch and take notes from
the correct episode of The Colbert Report to get it right!
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