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No wonder the Empire lost the war. They allowed wymin in their military!

A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away.

Star Wars ("Episode 4: Hope Floats") is a 1977 science fiction film directed by George Lucas. The plot deals with an unruly group of liberal rebels attempting to overthrow the Galactic Empire, the noble and free market-oriented government of Emperor Palpatine. Acting legend Mark Hamill plays Luke Skywalker, a carefree youth who is tragically seduced into joining this band of lefty terrorists by a Jedi called Obi-Wan Kenobi, portrayed by Alec Guinness. Kenobi is clearly a godless communist, as he is fond of spouting insipid new age nonsense about something called "the Force", which, with all its teachings of energy fields and the unity of reality, can only be anti-Christian propaganda.

Long-term effects of this film continue to manifest. Rather than teach American children about the dangers of joining leftist groups and obeying old people, the movie spawned yet another dangerous cult called "Jedi". The misguided followers wear brown dresses, eat a good deal of Cheetos, and spend a lot of time alone in their rooms vigorously "using the Force" to "wield their lightsabers". This "religion" has since settled heavily in countries where people have the same accent as the Galactic Empire. Recent reports suggest at least 45 percent of New Zealanders are now Jedi, and at least 17 percent of Australians list it as their preferred worship. Census data suggest that birth rates in these countries has since dropped sharply, in response to a lack of sexual relations.


The Great Great Great Great Grandfather of Star Wars. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.


The Father of Star Wars Pointing At You The Heroes as the Ghost of George Washington Speaks Through Him. There will be no one to stop us this time!

Star Wars: The Truthiness RevealedEdit

On May 28, 2007 on the History Channel, a TV special about Star Wars revealed the truth about the movies, and Stephen Colbert was one of the interviewees. Nancy Pelosi was also one of the interviewees, but no one is really sure why.

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