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Stephen and the Colberts
is a "Red State Anthem"
that plays in Heaven and Texas--Hallelujah!!!

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Band Members
  • Lead Singer - Stephen Colbert
  • Lead Guitar - Stephen Colbert
  • Rhythm Guitar - Stephen Colbert
  • Drums - Stephen Colbert
  • Keyboards - Stephen Colbert

Stephen and the Colberts is the best band in the world. Fuck The Beatles. Kiss my ass, Rolling Stones. This band is so much better than the Decemberists it's not even funny.

The first time I saw them I was pronounced legally dead for approximately 37 seconds because I was overwhelmed with equal doses of sock rocking and truthiness, with a little dash of Charlene.

Stephen and the Colberts was known for its crazy shoes and tie clips. (Also, it is rumored that Stephen Colbert invented the keyboard neck tie.) Their music was seen as sub-standard, but that was because the nay-sayers didn't have PhDs. Sadly, The Colberts died in a horrible fire, and only Stephen remained. He swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but complete truthiness from then on. The Band was just signed to RCA Records by Clive Davis, making him a Jewish, American hero.


Founded by front man Stephen Colbert in 1984, Stephen and the Colberts epitomized '80s music. A reporter for Rolling Stone magazine described them as "hotter than The Beatles having sex with each other." Despite the baffling nature of this comment, it was generally accepted that the Colberts — and in particular their guitarist/vocalist Stephen — were rock gods.

In the spring of 1986, following the release of their hit single "Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)", the band came under criticism. Stephen's ex-girlfriend Charlene (on whom the song is based) filed a restraining order against the rock star. Although the band managed to bounce back with a popular Christmas album, their reputation was forever damaged and they disbanded within a year.

Stephen and the Colberts was, in factiness, the first punk band. Though often thought to be another stereotypical '80s synth band, Stephen and the Colberts was too often overlooked by the mainstream media for their impressive and intense collective and collaborative efforts with The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, The Clash, and every punk band ever invented that didn't royally suck.

Unfortunately, their one mainstream hit was their least favorite song: a ballad written to try to woo ex-lover Charlene back into lead singer Stephen's arms with the only sort of music she had the mental capacity to appreciate. This song has lived on in infamy as "Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)".

The underground, however, has long been aware that Stephen and the Colberts was one of the most influential punk bands of any time.

As one of Stephen's many champions has stated,

"The world has never been ready for the intense, in your face vulgarity of Stephen's unadulterated punk rock manimal lust. And until they are, Stephen will always be remembered for that bullshit song about Charlene. I hear Charlene is selling autographed pictures of herself on ebay. If she hadn't broken Stephen's heart she could be living phat. Now she knows better. Bet she wished she did then."

Possible Comeback?

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Rock Band 2: Charlene (I’m Right Behind You). Only Master Players can reach this level

With the surge of hedonistic godless video games that gives you the chance to live the sinful and glamorous life of a celebrity rock star, there has been some recent interest in Stephen and the Colberts, including their mainstream hit. The Video Game industry suddenly released an unauthorized versions of "Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)" in their games. Our Glorious Stephen is still waiting for a check in the mail.


Stephen and The Colberts are considered to be the greatest band of all time. They directly influenced The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Rush, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, The Who, Frank Sinatra and Beyonce.

Mick Jagger was quoted as saying, "I owe everything to Stephen and The Colberts". John Lennon reportedly decided to start wearing glasses because he liked Stephen Colbert's so much.

See Also


External Links

  • "Charlene" music video - WARNING: play alone at low levels to avoid throngs of screaming girls surrounding your gated community.