TV, or television (as Wordanistas call it), is another in a long line of American inventions that has brought the world together as a global community of love and respect. TV allows us to watch Fox News, The Colbert Report, and cheesy infomercial at 3:45 in the morning.
Invention of the Television
Liberals want you to believe television was invented by Adolf Hitler in the 1930s. They also want you believe that not everything was invented by an American. Which is true. We only invent the great and greatest things. Like the TV. The television was actually invented by Jesus (the original American). 1953, Jesus was smiting an unbelieving liberal "Native American", and he thought, "Oh man, everyone should be able to see this." So he used his Jesus powers to magjik up the Television.
Downfall of Television
Early television consisted mostly of Jesus smiting people, which was good. Then those pesky Jews killed Jesus, and then took over his television duties, and the liberal media was born. Things have gotten even worse, as other countries have found out how to make televisions. Now television consists of awful liberal news, UnAmerican Sports, MyNetwork TV, and pornography.
Only Channels Worth Watching
- Fox News
- Unfortunately, the channel The Colbert Report is on is filled with 23.5 hours of filth (that includes you, Stewart). But for that one glorious half hour, it's worth watching.
- the Comedy network where "The Colbert Report" repeats during the day
Approved Things on Television
- The Colbert Report
- The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
- Walker Texas Ranger
- Bill Clinton's ass
- Any CNN program with Soledad O'Brien
- Pee-Wee's Playhouse
- Tony Bologna in "The Vigilogna"
- TV shows commits original sin: Reaching across the aisle
- TV Nation to pass new law to punish evildoers with no evidence whatsoever