The Beatles
have bad teeth and funny accents because they are British.
The Beatles
makes satanic music
which are lullabies to the Baby Satan

"The Beatles"
is hippie-related, and not groovy to The Baby Jesus.


The Beatles, during the height of their fame, performing "Letter B"

The Beatles were a hippie-rock band that originally consisted of John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and occasionally Britney Spears. They were known as The Jonas Brothers of the sixties, meaning they had alot of fans but no talent.

Stephen and the Colberts, Queen, Pink Floyd, The Who, and Led Zeppelin are, as dictated by Jesus Christ, the greatest rock bands ever. The Beatles are a distant sixth.


The Beatles are known as a quartet, but Stephen Colbert has always considered adolf hitler aka dans mom as the "fifth Beatle"Episode #378



The Beatles' first album, the self-titled "Meet the Beatles"

Once they put on suits and began to market themselves as subversive liberals, the Beatles hit it big with members of the Blame America First Crowd in Old Europe, and later, God's Country. As the movement of the Blame America First Crowd was reaching its pinnacle in the 1960s, the commie Beatles were a natural fit for this era.

The Beatles' manager, Elton John, sucessfully marketed the different members of the Beatles to different demographic groups with the Blame American First Crowd. John became known as the evil Beatle, George was the Godless one, Ringo was the Un-American one, and Paul was the cute one. Paul was widely known for eating hamburgers on Sundays in his family owned church.


The Beatles, during their last live performance, which may or may not have occurred on the Moon.

Due to their immense popularity with the Blame America First Crowd, the Beatles played major venues throughout the world. Impressively, the Beatles staged their last major concert on the Moon during the Moon landing, which may or may not have happened. Footage Of The Concert Was Destroyed By Chuck Norris

Downfall and Break-upEdit


John Lennon, circa 1969

God requested multiple times that he replace Ringo Starr, but Lennon denied His wishes, and then had the gall to say thae Beatles could whup Him in a fight. Rather than plague the Beatles, with beetles, God mandated that the Beatles could no longer travel and tour.

Exacerbating the band's troubles was the fact that, shortly after John's brainwashed Baby Jesus comments, Paul disappeared and was presumed dead. Although the remaining members of the Beatles moved quickly to replace Paul with the Walrus, things only got more troublesome for them.

John soon met and married Yoko Ono, the illegitimate half-sister of Ann Coulter. Yoko's raw sex appeal was so blistering that she caused a permanent rift between the remaining members of the Beatles. Unable to withstand the sexual tension that resulted from being in close proximity to Yoko, the Beatles opted to break up.

Cultural LegacyEdit


A typical Beatles fan

  • Brainwashed a whole generation of hippies to grow long hair, do drugs, become serial killers, and vote for Republicans.

Musical LegacyEdit

  • Note to reader: the following article contains information that, to this point, has been classified by all branches of every governmental agency of any country that has had knowledge of the proceeding.
  • Though unknown to Beatle fans that grew up loving the band for their rebellious, fun loving, and MO of peace and effervescent industrial materials, a large sector of the Beatle's musical legacy is a direct product of their clandestine status within the British government.  The following is an excerpt from the previously confidential manifest outlining the purpose and standard operating procedures of the band.
  • Classified:
  • Beatles
  • Date: XXXX/XX/XX

It is the express purpose of the band, heretofore, known as "The Beatles,"  enacted on this day XXXX/XX/XX, for the betterment of the common wealth of our great country.  The band will achieve the betterment of our great nation in the following:

      1. To break the bond of family
      2. To consume the mind of the youth
      3. To bastardize the purpose of the worker
      4. To bring the milk delivery industry to a stand still
    1. Reasoning for achieving such ends:
      1. If the movement of middle class is allowed to continue unfettered, economic forecasts predict the working class will achieve a level of wealth that will ruin the countries' economy within the next 50 years.  
      2. The milk truck delivery sector will utilize fuel to a level that will exhaust the countries fuel reserves within 30 years.  
      3. The level of cattle in the country will consume the natural fauna before the terminus of the current decade.
      4. The natural fauna is the heartbeat of our mother land.
        • Explanation for point "4", above:
          • The methane gas created by our wonderful cattle is the heartbeat of our industrial industry.   To exhaust the cattle is to exhaust the methane and sulfur reserve held necessary for the continued sustainment of our great land for the procurement and maintenance of the aforementioned.


Their un-influential songs include:

See AlsoEdit

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