The Colbert Report
is just one of the many gifts the Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
has bestowed upon all of humankind. Thank you Dr. Colbert, thank you.
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The Colbert Report
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
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Words that can be formed from the letters in The Colbert Report: Brothel rector pet and Beer cop throttler

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The opinions expressed in this broadcast do not reflect those of Comedy Central, MTV Networks, or the Viacom Corporation…because they’re all cowards.
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~ Stephen Colbert
The Colbert Report September 13, 2007


The Colbert Report

The Colbert Report (pronounced Coal-BEAR Re-POOR, as in "coal-black bears reap poor" because, it's French, bitch), is a nightly news commentary program on Comedy Central that stars Stephen Colbert, best known previously as a correspondent for The Daily Show. The show focuses on Colbert's take on current events in politics and the media. His hard-hitting, relentless style of reporting and interviewing has been emulated by other pundits such as Bill O'Reilly and Joe Scarborough.

The Colbert Report has been the #1 televison show in America, and the world, for that matter, ever since its release. It has won so many awards it is impossible to list them all without exploding the Internets tubes.

The Report airs following The Daily Show at 11:30 p.m. EST and PST, Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central. It is often followed by South Park or various Girls Gone Wild commercials.

Also known as: The No Fact Zone

Tagline: The Truth Unfiltered by Rational Argument

It's what Lincoln would have watched


Colbert on "The Colbert Gang"

Comedy Central in 2005 announced The Colbert Report as part of a lineup where they hope to "Keep the viewers attracted by The Daily Show to keep watching late into the night." Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Ben Karlin (The Daily Show's executive producer) supposedly came up with the idea for the show after watching coverage of the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against Bill O'Reilly; Colbert reportedly felt that the left-wing media had begun a systematic campaign to discredit the right, and convinced Stewart and Karlin to allow him to create the Report, to keep the left in check.

The Colbert Report first appeared in the form of three promos for itself that aired several times on The Daily Show, although the themes that would form the basis for the Report can be seen in some of the earlier interviews and stories submitted by Colbert to The Daily Show. The show debuted October 17, 2005, for an eight week run under its initial contract. On November 2, based on the strong ratings for the show's first two weeks, Comedy Central and Colbert announced they had signed for an additional year, through the end of 2006. If anyone asks, the show has been on air for 30,000 years and it will never go off the air because Stephen is god.

The Colbert Report was not the first program Colbert hosted. A clip of a pilot episode of the Sunday morning news chat show The Colbert Gang, was aired on The Daily Show. The reason for the show's failure to launch is unknown.

Watching The Colbert Report is every American citizens duty. Without a daily dose of at least 1 capsule, which equals out to about 22 minutes worth of visual aid, you're likely to cease living. Not cease living in the fact that you will die, but cease living in the fact that you will sit at home, rock back and forth in a fetal position and soak in the views of those Liberal hacks and be tainted forever more. Therefore, it is greatly suggested, I mean mandatory, that you watch the man himself, Stephen Colbert, on The Colbert Report each night at 11:30P.M. Eastern Time on Comedy Central, immediately following The Daily Show. Once again, we emphasize you watch The Colbert Report, the mother eagle of truthiness.

Due to the strict clique system in his high school, Dr. Colbert was only allowed to join the D&D club, student government and the A/V Club, which made him and his show what it is today.Episode #287


In the very first episode, Stephen explained that although his name may be up in the title, silouetted on the wall behind him, on the desk's plasma screen, in chaser lights on the riser, and on either side of the desk which is itself shaped like a giant "C," the show is dedicated to "you, the heroes."

The Audience

Dr. Colbert calls the people who watch the show "heroes". The heroes who watch the show from inside The Eagle's Nest he call his mob. A large part of Dr. Colbert's viewers are children (or at least infantile)Episode #320.

Format of the program

Liberty, swoops in on the viewer in the intro to The Colbert Report

Main article see The Colbert Report recurring elements

Typically, Colbert starts each episode with teasers for the show's topics and guest, followed by a dominant verbal metaphor for the way he intends to convey truth to his viewers. (For example, using a football metaphor: "Go out ten yards and button-hook to the left. I'm going to hit you with a perfect spiral of the truth. This is the Colbert report.") Then the show's opening titles sequence kicks off, with images of flag waving, Colbert striking colgasm inducing poses and words describing Colbert flying by all to the greatest T.V. theme of all time by the band Cheap Trick. Originally, the last word to fly past Colbert was "grippy", but it has changed to "megamerican", "lincolnish", and more recently, "superstantial", "freem", "eneagled" and "good" in a valiant graphical attempt to keep up with Colbert's stupendous greatness.

The general flow of segments after the opening titles is:

  • The initial run-through of the day's headlines, which The Daily Show has emulated;
  • "The Wørd", which juxtaposes Colbert's commentary with supportive bullet points on-screen;
  • A middle segment that may vary in style, but never in truthiness;
  • An interview with a guest, which includes several instances of ruthless nailing by Colbert;
  • A closing statement by The Good Doctor, occasionally accompanied by a new item placed on his bookshelf.

Interaction with guests

Colbert's razor-wit and unflappable balls in the presence of his guests make him a superb interviewer, and on every occasion to date, has managed to 'nail' every guest on some part of their argument that does not hold up under scrutiny. His dominating style is indicative of the rightiness of his argument.

The Studio

  • For a full list of all the parts to The Report studio, click here.

The Colbert Report studio is the former home of The Daily Show. It was built over an Indian burial ground after the tombstones were removed. The bodies were left behind. Sometimes the walls bleed and the computers malfunction.

"The Eagle's Nest"

Main article see The Eagle Nest

In an interview with The Onion, Colbert explained that much of the design for his set was based on Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper. "All the architecture of that room points at Jesus' head, the entire room is a halo," Colbert said. "On the set, I'd like the lines of the set to converge on my head. And so if you look at the design, it all does, it all points at my head...there's a sort of sun-god burst quality about the set around me."

In addition, the entire studio is atop the head of The Statue of Liberty, which is where it should be.


Ever since the first episiode, women have been known to have a Colgasm whenever the show starts. They can't help it. If you're a woman and you DON'T get a Colgasm, then you need to be looked at. There's always a chance you might actually be a baby satan loving hippie.

The Colbert Report drew an unusual amount of media anticipation prior to its premiere, including from The New Yorker, NPR's All Things Considered and Fresh Air, CNN, and The Washington Post. The New York Times alone ran three articles on the Report before its debut, and has made repeated references to The Colbert Report since then.

For example, Maureen Dowd alluded to Colbert's "Dead To Me" board as a metaphor in her column, saying that Oprah Winfrey "should take a page from Stephen Colbert and put the slippery James Frey on her 'Dead to me' list."

The Colbert Report drew over 100 billion viewers for its premiere episode and a full 130% of the viewership of The Daily Show, which itself has Comedy Central's second-largest viewership, behind South Park. Further, in 2006, the first year of the Report's eligibility, Colbert's show was nominated for, and received all 28 Emmys, including nominations for the show itself and for Colbert as host.

Averaged over its opening week, the Report had pi-hundred billion viewers per episode, more than the average for the same time the previous year. It should be noted that the show previously in that time slot was Too Late with Adam Carolla. The premiere week of The Colbert Report also coincided with the second-highest rated week of The Daily Show, behind the week leading up to the 2004 U.S. Presidential election.

Since debuting, the rest of the world of 11:30 talk has been basically obliterated. Ted Koppel, the host of Nightline retired in shame. David Letterman developed a crystal meth addiction, and Jay Leno has resorted to hiring a special needs phone operator from The Howard Stern Show as an announcer.

The Report in Canada

As with The Daily Show, viewers in Canada can watch The Colbert Report on CTV and The Comedy Network, which began airing The Colbert Report on November 7, 2005. It currently airs at 11:30 p.m. EST and PST on the Comedy Network and at 12:35 a.m. local time on CTV.

Colbert opened the first show to air in Canada speaking their native garbled language, Frenchie. And a mere seventy-seven days after the Report first aired in Canada, Stephen was able to get Stephen Harper elected, thus fixing the place up.


Please read the main article on truthiness so the Wordanistas will be the only ones reading this rebroadcast.

In "The WØRD" (dictionary spelling, "word" is a common misspelling) on the first episode of the Report, Colbert featured the term "truthiness," which he defined as "The quality by which one purports to know something emotionally or instinctively, without regard to evidence or intellectual examination." In December 2005, the New York Times selected "truthiness" as one of nine words that captured the zeitgeist of the year, and in January 2006, the American Dialect Society announced that "truthiness" was selected as its 2005 Word of the Year.

Colbert has since made frequent reference to the widespread influence of "truthiness" since he introduced it, while carping on media accounts of "truthiness" that neglect to identify him as its source. Truthiness has since been discussed, several times in many cases, in the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Chicago Tribune, Newsweek, MSNBC, the Associated Press, Editor & Publisher, Salon, The Huffington Post, ABC NewsRadio's Word Watch with Kel Richards and Chicago Reader, and on ABC's Nightline, CBS's 60 Minutes, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. In January 2006, "truthiness" was featured as a Word of the Week by the website of the Macmillan English Dictionary.


Dr. Colbert is an Emmy winner

In 2006, The Colbert Report won 23 Emmy Awards, 11 more than its parent, The Daily Show.[1]

-Note that this list is incomplete, seeing as the complete list of awards won by Colbert is much too large to store even on the largest Internets tube.

  1. Outstanding Directing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program, Jimmy
  2. Outstanding Individual Performance In A Variety Or Music Program, Stephen Colbert
  3. Outstanding Individual Performance in All of Television, Stephen Colbert
  4. Outstanding Writing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program, Stephen Colbert
  5. Outstanding Writing in All of Television, Stephen Colbert
  6. Best Comedy
  7. Best New Program
  8. Best Ear on a News Anchor, Stephen Colbert
  9. Outstanding Use of Truthiness for A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program
  10. Funniest Person on Television, Stephen Colbert
  11. Outstanding Patriotism for A Variety, Music or Comedy Program
  12. Outstanding Patriotism in All of Television
  13. Outstanding Patriotic Television Host of A Variety, Music or Comedy Program, Stephen Colbert
  14. Outstanding Patriotic Television Host in All of Television, Stephen Colbert
  15. Outstanding Use of The American Flag in A Variety, Music or Comedy Program
  16. Outstanding Use of The American Flag in All of Television
  17. Outstanding Use of Patriotic Computerized Graphics in A Variety, Music or Comedy Program
  18. Outstanding Use of Patriotic Computerized Graphics in All of Television
  19. Outstanding Use of A Green Screen in A Variety, Music or Comedy Program
  20. Outstanding Use of A Green Screen in All of Television
  21. Outstanding Use of Product Placement in A Variety, Music or Comedy Program
  22. Outstanding Use of Product Placement in All of Television
  23. Outstanding Use of Balls in All of Television
  24. Most New Words Developed On A Primetime Show
  25. Best Use of American in A Variety, Music or Comedy Program
  26. Best Use of American in All of Television
  27. Most Influential Program
  28. Outstanding Education Television Program
  29. Outstanding Finger-Wagging In A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program
  30. Outstanding Brow-Raising In A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program
  31. Most Deserved Condescension Toward from a Television Host
  32. Funniest TV Host, Stephen Colbert
  33. Outstanding TV Host, Stephen Colbert
  34. Outstanding Pyromaniac In A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program, tie: Killer and Stephen Colbert
  35. Outstanding Guest Appearnce In A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program, Stephen Colbert (Daily Show [Shared with the Report])
  36. TV Host With The Biggest Balls(left), Stephen Colbert
  37. TV Host With The Biggest Balls(right), Stephen Colbert
  38. TV Host With The Hottest Ass, tie between Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart
  39. Hottest Man EVER, Stephen Colbert
  40. Best News Program
  41. Outstanding Interviewer, Stephen Colbert
  42. Longest Running Segment Series, Better Know A District
  43. Best Comedy Segment, The Word
  44. Most Guests Nailed by a Host of A Variety, Music or Comedy Program
  45. Most Awards Won
  46. Award for Embracing Ethnic Diversity and Promoting Cross Cultural Friendship
  47. Award for being the only immortal man God envies, the only mortal man being Ringo Starr

Additionally, the show was nominated for two Television Critics Association Awards.[2]

  • Outstanding Individual Achievement in Comedy, Stephen Colbert
  • Outstanding New Program of the Year

He didn't win, because critics are the children of educators.

The Colbert Report won two Satellite Awards (they only give two):[3]

  • Outstanding Actor in a Series, Comedy or Musical, Stephen Colbert
  • Outstanding Television Series, Comedy or Musical


  • The Colbert Report revs you up for love-making. If it doesn't, Stephen highly recommends a trial separation, as it is hopeless.
  • Colbert often refers to his (as yet unpublished) novel, Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure, which features himself as the main character, Tek Jansen.[1] Bill O'Reilly then rushed out and has authored his own novel, a thriller titled Those Who Trespass, about a protagonist who kills co-workers who stand in the way of his television career.
  • The Report's theme song, Baby Muggles, was written and performed by Cheap Trick.
  • The eagle featured in Colbert Report advertising, in the logo, and often in the background videos is named "Liberty".
  • It's what Lincoln would have watched. Damn straight.
  • On June 5, 2006, the Colbert Report's 100th episode aired. Stone Phillips, the first guest on the show, returned to become the first two-time guest. Colbert and Phillips then held a "Gravitas-Off," a rematch of their popular contest from the first show.
  • Stephen Colbert disclosed that he is "1/13" Chickasaw Indian.
  • On July 12, 2006, Mort Zuckerman, who recently had been placed On Notice, was the first (and thus far, only) guest to accept Colbert's challenge to come on the show within 60 days of being placed on the board to get removed. Zuckerman apologized, and was removed from the On Notice board at the end of the show.
  • On July 19, 2006, Joe Scarborough, conservative pundit and a student of Colbert's bulldozer interviewing style, acknowledged that he is a huge fan of the show and watches it every night with his wife. Colbert offered Scarborough the position of Vice President of the Colbert Nation and Scarborough made Colbert the Archduke of Scarborough Country.
  • After Colbert received an honorary doctorate in fine arts from Knox College, his credit as producer has been listed since that time as "Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A."
  • Colbert types up the words on his own teleprompter on cue. He's that good.
  • For the last two years the Chinese have ownership of the show and it is actually called the “Best Lucky Number Joy Time Fun Colbert Hour and Friend”. (May Contain Traces Of Lead)
  • On September 7, 2010 Colbert has decided to change the name of the show so he can win the Emmy Awards next time and make John Stewart eat it! “The Col – Breaking Bad Mad Temple Grand Men Glee-bert Re-Modern Family-port with Jon Stewart”, it has to work!

See Also

External Tubes

The Colbert ReportEpisodes by NumberGuestsSegments