Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
Date: July 30, 2007 Season:
Episode: 290 Production code: 3097
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The Check-InEdit

Dr. Colbert breaks out with some poetry (ABBAABBACDECD).

Tonight, the latest on Iraq
Is it in disarray?
Is peace derailed?
Can we now say that Bush's has failed?

A failure too calamitous to mock
Or will the future bring
a pleasant shock?

Will it be said democracy prevailed
and will the recent surge of troops be hailed as more than merely running out the clock?

We'll cover that
and on the lighter side, I'll interview
one plucky girl,
who's opened up a brand new candy store

Then, weather, sports,
or weekend movie guide
And finally a water skiing squirrel
All that tonight on The Colbert Report



  • Guild Trip
"Unions adopt a new picketing strategy. I've got a new strategy for 'em: get back to work!"
  • Red Hot Chili Pukers
"Then, botulism in our chili. Beans, beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you die!"
  • Evan Unmighty
"Plus, my guest Evan Osnos says the U.S. is getting pollution from China; it's mostly bootleg versions of our own pollution!"

Flag quote open clear2
If you can't stand the heat, air condition your kitchen. This is The Colbert Report.
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~ Stephen Colbert
July 30, 2007 The Colbert Report

Dr. Colbert's Near-Fatal Wrist InjuryEdit

  • donations of flowers sent to Dr. Colbert
    • cookie bombed with bear-shaped cookies
  • dispel rumor
    • did not punch out Kim Jong Il
  • Admission (pre-show warm-up)
    • slippery floor has been fixed (covered in molasses)
  • The Departed
    • wrist violence
    • Jack Nicolson slams Leonardo DiCaprio's wrist with a shoe (3 hours of QVC $1600 Joan River's hoop earrings to calm down)

Pollution From ChinaEdit

  • Wall Street Journal
  • box fan fence
  • Goat Licking
    • Grandpa Colbert was a Goat Ball Licker in the Old Country

Labor Unions (Communist Goats)Edit

Threat DownEdit

Threat #5: Weak American Bellies! -- This is just the FDA coddling our immune systems. We're showing the world that we can't handle a little bit of food-bourne neurotoxin.

Threat #4: The Bankrupt! -- It's time for the reinstatement of debtor's prisons. It will teach these deadbeats a valuable lesson, and pump up our mince-meat pie industry.

Threat #3: Party Poopers! -- Why can't employees take a joke anymore?

  • Bobby's on medical leave

Threat #2: Scottish Surgeons! -- We must protect our ports by cross-breeding dolphins with Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff.

  • Shark-Terrorist Hybrids (the frosted mini wheats of death)

Threat #1: Badgers! -- Can we end the debate? Saddam clearly had badgers of mass destruction!

  • Carpet-bomb the University of Wisconsin



  • Dr. Colbert doesn't spoon, so take the TV to bed with his image paused on the screen


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