Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
March 17, 2008
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  • Cash Cowed
"Does America believe it's in a recession? A euro for your thoughts!"
  • Patrick Stewed
"Then, in celebration of St. Patrick's Day, there are no snakes in this studio! But there is one angry mongoose!"
  • Power Down
"And my guest, Samantha Power, is a former foreign policy advisor to Barack Obama! Who says he's inexperienced? He already has a former foreign policy advisor!"

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If you're filling out your tournament brackets, I always go with "C".
This is
The Colbert Report.
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~ Stephen Colbert
March 17, 2008 The Colbert Report

Pennsylvania's Upcoming Democratic PrimaryEdit

  • can't turn on the TV because the candidates are always on it
    • can't turn on TVs in Philadelphia because the light and sound attract the criminals
  • most exciting thing to happen since Olive Garden's Battle of Spaghettisburg Pasta Fest
  • winning the Pennsylvania primary is the biggest prize second only to dodging Joe Biden's endorsement
    • Hillary Clinton marched in 2 parades
    • Obama expects Clinton to win by a morbidly obese margin
    • McCain will be at the reunion of the Founding Fathers
  • Dr. Colbert will pick one lucky audience member to go to Philadelphia to report on all the goings-on for The Report
    • everyone looked under their chairs to see who had the winning ticket, and the winner is...
    • theme is Rocky, not Springsteen's Philadelphia or Elton John's Philadelphia freedom, which is too gay
  • Stephen will pack his Continental Basics:
    • Powdered wig
    • Musket
    • codpiece

America's EconomyEdit

  • America's economy is not in the toilet; it has gone down the illegal drain that dumps it into the ocean and the lobsters are feeding on it
  • JP Morgan bought Bear Stearns
    • Gorlock is not answering any emeter messages from Stephen
  • The Word: The Audacity Of Hopelessness

St. Patrick's DayEdit



  • Good night everybody.


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