Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
April 9, 2008
Production code:
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The Check-InEdit

Dr. Colbert discusses current events with his Jewish Friend.


  • Cash and Caring
"Democratic candidates have raised record amounts of money! I guess hydroponic grow lights are very expensive!"
  • Live and Don't Die
"Plus, I'll have tips for living longer! And, failing that, tips for hiding your age with surgery!"
  • Penny Whys
"And my guest, Jeff Gore, wants to retire the penny! I'll demand a nickel for his thoughts!"

Flag quote open clear2
There are 8 million stories in the naked city! Most would look better with their clothes on!
This is
The Colbert Report.
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
April 9, 2008 The Colbert Report

Buddhist MonksEdit

  • Stephen is not a big fan
    • doesn't look good in saffron
    • non-violence creeps him out
  • going after the Olympic Torch
  • attacking torches is hypocritical in a city known for flames
  • Tibetan celebration of China's occupation enjoying 57 uninterrupted years

Stephen's AdviceEdit

  • check under an assumed name, like Earth or Wind
  • set the hotel on fire, we know the city burns
    • may be too soon to joke about the San Francisco fire

Pennsylvania PrimariesEdit

  • John McCain witnessed the formation of the Grand Canyon
  • Clinton knows which door sticks when it's humid
  • Lincoln only got elected because his face is on the penny
  • Stephen doesn't want Bush to leave
    • why follow the constitution now?
  • Tonight's Word Starter Country

Cheating DeathEdit

  • not a medical doctor

perform surgery on paintings

  • Prescott Pharm health and wellness from the earth, spec. landfills
  • Longevity
    • Barbara Walters interviewed a highlander
    • soft focus
  • VaxoGenics Chambers
    • lung fire
    • eye curdling
    • abdominal migration
  • Sexual Health
  • survey sex therapists
    • 3-13 minutes for relations
      • 1.5 hours putting on condom
      • 35 minutes praying for forgiveness
      • 42 minutes clean up
  • Fulcrum
    • strongest placebo allowed by law
    • directs all your blood to y9our penis
  • Side effects
    • urethral nodding
    • Honace Wagoner disease
    • carcassing
  • Surgery
    • natural orifice surgery
  • Vaxa-Fice
    • no guarantee which orifice you will receive
  • side effects
    • gopherism
    • multibrow
    • tracheal meerkat colonies

Remember, if you can remember, you are obviously not a member of the class action lawsuit against VaxaMemory



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