Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
June 24, 2008
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  • 20,000 Barrels Under the Sea
"Should we solve the oil crisis with off-shore drilling!? I say any excuse for a preemptive strike on the ocean!"
  • Balls of the Wild
"Plus, I get an animal named after me! In your face, Wolf Blitzer!"
  • Fresh Prince of Colbert
"And my guest is some guy named 'Will Smith'! I told you I wanted Jazzy Jeff!"

Flag quote open clear2
I promise to deliver the truth in the next thirty minutes or it's free!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
June 24, 2008 The Colbert Report

Right To ItEdit

  • Biggest movie star in the world, Will Smith
    • Dr. Colbert's life-long crusade against Hollywood's glamorization of Face Violence

Oil Crisis!Edit

  • when gas hit $4.00
    • Dr. Colbert figured he was getting better gas
  • Stephen uses Hummers to chase gophers off his property
  • he also gets motion sickness when he sees something going less than 55 miles an hour
  • we need off shore drilling
  • Off Porch drilling
    • buried pets are sure to have turned into oil
  • Earth shooting
    • finds oil

Cussing In KomedyEdit

  • Dr. Colbert doesn't need it
  • George Carlin Seven Dirty Words routine
  • Tonight's Word: Beep

Naming AnimalsEdit

  • The world demands an eight-legged tribute to Stephen Colbert
    • Dr. Jason Bond, East Carolina University biologist agreed to name one after Stephen
    • I Finangled It!
  • there are 27 species of trapdoor spiders that need to be named
  • man
  • shark
  • lion
  • dog
  • tiger
  • bear
  • fern
  • most come from California
  • categorized by secondary sexual characteristics
  • Stephen wants the one with the best mating clasper
    • one with curved tarsis
  • It shall be settled in a couple of weeks
    • Dr. Bond won't be on the phone the whole time, however


  • Will Smith
    • actor, singer, mega-superstar
    • doesn't have a spider named after him
  • Stephen likes him because his movies opens on July 4th, making him practically a "Founding Father"
  • his inability to think on his feet got him nailed
  • didn't mention belonging to a cult


That's it for The Report everybody, good night!


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