Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
July 22, 2008
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  • Win Beneath Our Wings
"The Air Force unveils a new strategy in the War on Terror! Terrorists: kindly switch over to Nightline!"
  • Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dessert
"Then, Elton John has a creamy treat he wants you to put in your mouth! FCC, I await your call!"
  • Spellings' Error
"And Secretary of Education, Margaret Spellings, is here to talk about No Child Left Behind! Don't tell her, but i wrote all my questions on my hand!"

Flag quote open clear2
I'm a man of few words, but I say them over and over and over!
This is
The Colbert Report!
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~ Stephen Colbert
July 22, 2008 The Colbert Report

Gravitas and The NewsEdit

  • Dr. Colbert asks America to feel his gravitas as it grows
  • with all the network anchors out of the country following Obama around
    • Dr. Colbert is the last remaining greatest news anchor still in America!
    • Edward R. Murrow of who's left
  • Hagel is on a fact finding tour with Harmid Karzai
    • finding that Hagel is an intern
  • Obama landed in Jordan in a transformer
  • McCain arrived in Kennebunkport on a Fairway Assault Master Golf Cart

The WordEdit

New Ice Cream FlavorEdit

  • Ben & Jerry introduce flavors based on hippie-related cultural icons
  • Elton John is getting his own flavor
    • Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road
      • Butter brickle is made from candied lamb cartilage
  • Dr. Colbert demands Ben & Jerry move his ice cream to a more masculine part of the freezer section
  • grocery stores move AmeriCone Dream to another section altogether, maybe close to the Brawny guy
    • but not too close, he's hot

British HomosexualsEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is mad, flaming mad
    • Tube ads in London's Underground
      • South Carolina is so gay
  • South Carolina is not gay
    • governor suggested "South Carolina: we're just polite and dress nicely"
  • South Carolina state seal contains
    • a pair of balls
    • another pair of balls on the palm tree


  • No Child Left Behind
    • can't leave some behind
    • holding people accountable
  • no federally mandated spanking
    • considers trying that
  • schools are sanctioned for underperforming students
    • schools should be bombed


  • Dr. Colbert invites The Heroes to watch tomorrow, when the guest will be someone he thinks about when he stares at himself!


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