Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
July 24, 2008
Production code:
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The Check-InEdit

Dr. Colbert talks with His Jew Friend about his guest from last night, Nas. He revealed that he was shot 8 times last night.


  • Homo-Sect-ual
"The Anglican Church is split over gay priests! It's the biggest religious controversy since Scientologists decided to admit gay thetans!"
  • Foul Balkan
"Then, Serbian war criminal, Radovan Karadžić, is finally captured! His fatal mistake!? Disguising himself as Slobodan Milošević!"
  • The Eagle's Guest Has Landed
"And, after ninety-five days in space, astronaut Garrett Reisman is here to answer my questions along with the alien that will burst out of his chest!"

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Count your blessings, America!(gives a thumbs up and points to himself)
This is
The Colbert Report!</center></div>
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~ Stephen Colbert
</center> <center>
<b>July 24, 2008</b> The Colbert Report

Obama's World TourEdit

  • the adoration was unexpected, but not undeserved
  • Dr. Colbert
    • plane powered by media's flash photography
  • Senate Committee for Lion-fighting
  • Jetpack Caucus
  • Obama's prayer to God:
    • Dear God, Please protect my nuts from Jesse Jackson
  • Obama copies his wall-tearing-down policies from the Kool-Aid man
  • McCain had lunch at a sausage house
    • invitations said: "Come to John McCain's Sausage Party!"

Anglican Church SummitEdit

  • conference happens every 10 years
  • controversy
    • American Anglicans are called Episcopalians
      • They elected a gay
  • God's strict "Don't Ask; Go To Hell" policy
  • Dumbledore is Archibishop of Canterbury's cousin
  • Laurie Goodstein
    • New York Times reporter
  • the pronunciation of schism is itself a schism, but Dr. Colbert is right

Threat Down!Edit

  • Threat #4!
    • New age Healers!
      • Dr. Colbert does his own acupuncture
    • Bosnian-Serbian fugitive war criminal Radovan Karadžić was finally captured after hiding as a new age healer
      • all new age healers are serial killers
  • Threat #3!
    • Island of Greece
    • Lesbos does not have the exclusive right to the word lesbian
      • Lesbians can be from anywhere
  • Threat #2!
    • Granite Countertops!


  • Dr. Garrett Reisman
    • astronaut returned to earth after 95 days in space, Stephen will ask him if he saw his balls from space



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