Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
August 6, 2008
Production code:
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The Check-InEdit

Dr. Colbert discusses tire pressure with His Jew Friend. Stephen suggests that America should fight obesity by eating less! (LOL)

America's air can be put to better use.

Dr. Colbert suggests driving without tires instead. In factiness, he drives directly on his rims, creating a Fourth of July everyday!


  • Itsy Bitsy Name-Sake
"My new spider will be on this show! I will celebrate from a distance."
  • Precious The Few
"Then, my feature for high-net -worth viewers, Colbert Platinum! It's a good way to pass the time while you're waiting for your inheritance!"
  • 7 Minutes with Kevin
"And my guest is Kevin Costner, I assume the interview will go fifty-million dollars over budget!"

Flag quote open clear2
You know what they say: if it ain't broke, let me at it!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
August 6, 2008 The Colbert Report

Keeping tabs on ObamaEdit

  • Stephen chugs a beer every time Obama pretends to like Hillary to win over her voters
    • McCain looks good thru beer goggles (Hello Sailor!)
  • McCain's long term solutions for right now
    • mocking Obama tire pressure energy plan
    • handed out tire gauges labeled "Obama's Energy Plan"
  • Obama responded with hate speech
    • against Ignorant Americans
    • second-class citizens for too long
      • what number comes before 2?
  • If an ignorant person and a non-ignorant person

spreads jam on his face and passes out on the desk?

  • hide who they are from their own families
  • Stephen came out of the closet, which he thought was the bathroom (sorry about the coats)
  • honor them with Ignorannce History Month
    • week-long celebration for the month of Febtober (?)

Talk About Iraq-nidsEdit

  • Named American spider after a Canadian
  • no other TV hosts have bugs named after them
    • Sean Hannity has a Praying Mantis that has imprinted on him

Spida of LoveEdit

  • Three finalists
    • Spider #1: If I weere a cricket, what would you do to me?
    • Spider #2: Webs are they just for catching prey, or also good for play?
    • Spider #3: What is your perfect date? (had Stephen up to injecting him with an enzyme that pre-digests his internal organs
    • Winner will get Golden Housefly

Meet The SpiderEdit

  • Dr. Jason Bond
  • Stephen's spide would defeat Neil Young's spider
    • Neil Young's spider is better at hiding and not as aggressive
  • has not named one for Obama or McCain
    • Spider Presidential Gladiator to choose president

Colbert PlatinumEdit

  • Dr. Colbert reads from the Sky Mall catalogue
    • big foot
    • doggy sleep mask
    • inflatable microwave oven
  • for platinum members only
    • if this segment isn't being reenacted by your household eunuchs, please leave
  • Economic Pinch
  • rare Black Watermelon sold for $6100
  • First Inductee to Diamond Class Membership


Kevin Costner

  • new movie: Swing Vote
    • about an election that comes down to one man's vote


  • If you were listening to the Spanish audio of tonight's broadcast, Stephen would like to see your Green Card.


Motherload VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

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