Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
August 12, 2008
Production code:
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  • Jock Kvetch
"Athletes get involved in global politics! See what Obama started with that damn three-pointer!"
  • Dakota Fanning
"And, Canton, South Dakota responds to my attack! It took a while because they were waiting their turn to use the town phone!"
  • Torture Logic
"Then my guest, author Jane Mayer, claims enhanced interrogation is nothing but torture! You say "poe-tay-toe" I beat you with a "poe-taw-toe"!"

Flag quote open clear2
If life gives you lemons, save the receipt!
This is
The Colbert Report!
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~ Stephen Colbert
August 12, 2008 The Colbert Report

Speaking At Democratic ConventionEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is checking his voice mail on his iPhone
    • from the Democratic Committee that he will speak at the convention
    • nothing yet
    • Stephen may be Obama's VP pick
  • Evan Bayh (sp) looks like the guy who comes with the picture frame

John Edwards Had An AffiarEdit

  • with a campaign staffer who made webisodes for his campaign
  • his online identity: lonelyboy15
  • mainstream media ignored it

Well Kept SecretsEdit

  • there is a sport called archery
  • Russia got the gold in individual invasion of a sovereign nation
  • showed what toothpaste contains anti-freeze
  • China tortures inside the borders
  • China revoked his visa without explanation
    • Mitt Romney said "error"
      • China responded, "What's a Mitt Romney"

Another Rare Apology!Edit


  • Jane Mayer
    • says America is synonymous with torture, wrong. America is a euphemism for torture
  • book: The Dark Side: The Inside Story of How The War on Terror Turned into a War on American Ideals
  • she opened up citing 9-11
  • Constitution bans cruel and unusual
    • what we've been doing may be cruel, but it is no longer unusual
  • No harm, no foul slogan used in Iraq
  • she tries to make "enhanced interrogation" sound bad
  • she is hurting America since she was the one who exposed the torture
    • always looks at the glass as half empty instead of full and with a guy's face in it


  • Jimmy came back from break without telling Dr. Colbert and he had to stop reading his magazine to say "good night".


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