Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
August 29, 2008
This is the first
Friday show ever!
Production code:
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The program starts without an introduction because The Colbert Report's Lead-in Jewish Program ran long

Goodbye, Denver!Edit

  • Dr. Colbert starts the show with his rendition of Rocky Mountain High
    • from Denver where he is!
  • still waiting for McCain to announce his running mate
    • with the winner of a radio contest
  • Emergency talking points fax
    • got experience
      • Gov of Alaska for 20 minutes (adjust for how long the nights are over there)
  • Sarah Palin took torch of promise from Hillary
    • will shatter hardest highest glass ceiling: the vice presidency
  • has reached the highest levels of being used a cheap political ploy
    • she isn't sure what the vice president every day
    • break ties in the Senate, shoot old men in the face
      • she's ready on day one

Obama's Little SpeechEdit

  • John McCain could be the guy next door
    • he owns a lot of houses
  • shallow exercise in adulation
    • FOX said it was a spectacle
  • they had an Asian guy, Stephen needs to get him one

Pundits On TVEdit

  • pundit Terrell Davis, Denver Broncos leading rusher
    • great field position
    • used telstrator for the first time
  • Terrell should be president
  • as Denver Bronco's leading rusher, Obama hit a home run

The Most Shocking Thing At the Democrat Nation ConvenEdit

  • James Carville squinted so hard, his face folded into itself
  • They invited God
    • alienated atheists
  • Secular Coalition For America (
  • Better Know A Lobby
    • Atheist Lobby: Fightin Heathens
  • Ferel Verment
  • Lori Lipman Brown
    • took an oath on Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle
  • she also lobbies on sex education
  • Believers gave humanity great works
    • Sistine Chapel
    • Handel's Messiah
    • Global War On Terror
  • she used hermaphrodites (intersexuals) for her argument
    • child born with
  • What do atheists yell during sex?
    • Nothingess
    • science
    • Charles Darwin
  • Irving Berlin
    • wrote White Christmas
  • she believes Christmas has become secular
  • tried to end the interview by having sex with Stephen
  • would not sing God Bless America with Stephen
  • took the time from going to hell to talk to Stephen
    • go to to find out more about the Secular Coalition's stance on three-way sex with snakes


  • John McWhorter
    • book: "All about the Beat: Why Hip-Hop Can't Save Black America "
  • social conservative who supports Barack Hussein Obama
  • considers himself a black gentleman and starchy
    • doesn't believe racism isn't over
  • racism is like typewriters
    • racists don't know how to use computers
  • the Obamas would spend 8 years being black on TV
    • could take some time to do this
  • hip hop could sample something else that could save black America


  • Dr. Colbert's microwave non-stop for 72 hours to counter the Democrat's "green" convention.
    • a giant styrofoam cup attacked him, luckily he had that giant packet of sweet n' low in The C-Desk!


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