Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
September 17, 2008
Production code:
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The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is once again interrupted by His Jewish Friend while suffering from a headache.
  • He's not in the mood.
  • There was a few tense moments, where His Jewness tried to pressure Stephen into doing the toss.
  • But, when Stephen went to sleep, Stewart shouted that he would go in the back and do the toss himself.


  • Old AIG
"John McCain responds to the growing economic crisis by suggesting America marry a really rich woman!"
  • Osama Bin Hiding
"And, is there a new way to catch Osama bin Laden!? I've got a great idea involving an anvil and a pile of "Bin Laden Seed"!"
  • Luts and Volts
"Then, I sit down with GM vice-chairman, Bob Lutz to talk about GM's new electric car! Forty-thousand triple "A" batteries not included!"

Flag quote open clear2
Hey, Liquid Paper! Your bottle should say you don't work on computer screens!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
September 17, 2008 The Colbert Report

Day Three Market CorrectionEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is not panicking, John McCain is on the case
    • got flack for saying "the fundamentals of our economy are strong"
      • then saying three hours later they are at risk
  • like a musclman who refuses to wear a condom
    • what's the worse thing that could happen?
  • Obama called Sarah Palin an ugly hog
  • watch their parents doing it doggy style
    • McCain is picking up steam
      • rising up from a pile of steaming pile
  • McCain had no choice to release mudslinging dirty ads
    • Obama should have accepted invitations
      • Emily Post 101
        • when some one refuses an invitation: obliged to destroy you with brutal and bald faced lies
  • McCain
    • harvest the organs of sleeping toddlers
    • inject in his taint with Red Bull
    • determines to run a campaign of straight talk and decency

Anniversary of 9/11Edit

  • Tonight's word: Powerless
    • Dana Perino, why Bin Laden is still at large
      • President Bush has not been given super powers
  • America has not given President Bush super powers
  • lock him in room with:
    • radioactive spider
    • Fly DNA
    • scientist hell-bent on developing super soldier
  • Extra Sensible Perception
    • ability to find a guy in Iraq when he is hiding in Afghanistan
  • Bush has never been more than a mere mortal chosen by God to defeat America's enemies!

McCain's Campaign SloganEdit

  • "Country First"
    • putting America before our own personal needs
    • not alphabetically by bombing Afghanistan, Albania, Abkhazia and Algeria
  • "Brad" got drunk at a Yankees game and chose to go pee during the singing of God Bless America
    • going number one, thereby making America number two
  • Yankee fans show pride in your by staying put when God Bless America plays
    • oversized foam fingers are absorbent


  • Bob Lutz
    • talk about GM's new electric car, which Dr. Colbert hopes electrocutes anyone who tries to steal his gas
  • corporate mogul
  • grand mason
    • controlling the world economy
  • came to shill The Volt
    • should call it the Chevy Gore
  • capitulating to the global warmists
    • doesn't believe it is man-caused, it is sun-spot activity
  • will go 40 miles
    • but not 40 miles extension cord
  • lithium ion battery
    • not enterprise's anti-matter converter
    • or high school potato-battery technology

Man TalkEdit

  • change one's attitude away from burning rubber
  • will it get you laid
    • perhaps, by changing the woman who is attracted, more crunchier
  • may be able to pimp it
  • can be charged using the cigarette lighter from a Hummer
  • gave Dr. Colbert one
    • it's very tiny


  • Dr. Colbert was just looking through an old photo album from the 1980's
    • he regrets not having the time to put any photos in it
  • changed his name to Corey so he could hang out with the Brat Pack
  • terms of the restraining order have expired
  • Charlene may not be getting enough potassium in her diet
    • Dr. Colbert didn't find any banana peals in her garbage


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