Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 9, 2008
Production code:
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  • Smear Talk Express
"How can John McCain win this election!? Two words: Colbert! Bump!"
  • Rock, Paper, Winners
"And, I look at this year's nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! Congratulations, Captain! Suck it, Tennille!"
  • Everybody Must Watch Stone
"Plus, director Oliver Stone is here to talk about his new film "W."! I believe it is a prequel to Spike Lee's "X"!"

Flag quote open clear2
The names in this broadcast have been changed to protect the innocent!
This is
The Molbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
October 9, 2008 The Colbert Report

Rough Day On The Stock MarketEdit

  • can no longer afford a drum roll
    • dropped 678 points!
  • will face a new shortage
    • newspapers will run out of dismayed stock brockers
  • Dr. Colbert poses so New York Post can have some pictures
  • it will only effect you if you:
    • own a house
    • get paid in currency

John McCain's DebateEdit

  • rising cost of planetairum projectors
  • Michelle Malkin
  • Andy McCarthy
  • McCain needs to shape up or he will lose the election
    • reptilian James Carville hunts for wet dogs in a burning house
  • John should take a hint from his running mate and his mate-mate
  • Cindy McCain is so cold, eskimos have 150 words for her
  • Bill Ayers has been associated with Dr. Colbert
    • shot a member of his audience three times
  • David Gergen doesn't care about Obama's connection with Bill Ayers
    • dir center of public leadership, Kennedy School of Government
    • and lesbian meth king!
  • believes slinging mud is not a good way to win an election
  • believes people want to hear a positive message
    • McCain would get headlines if he said he is positive Obama is a terrorist
  • blames campaign staff and advisors
    • from Bush Administration
    • Republican party operatives
  • months of the campaign are the first months of the administration
    • can reflect on leadership
  • believes McCain should reign in Palin
    • mentioned audience members yelled:
      • "terrorist"
      • "kill him"
      • talked trash to a black cameraman
    • she speaks for people who have been ignored for a long time
    • she is a rabble rouser
  • Dr. Colbert says move the mudslinging to the Mexican Border
    • we could build an adobe wall in no time!

Who's Not Honoring Stephen?Edit

  • Yom Kippur
    • why the chosen people need a whole day
  • Who's Not Honoring Me Now!
  • MacArthur Foundation
    • Jazz musicians blow their money on heroin and berets
    • not genius level jazz if it sounds like music
  • Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
    • Stephen & The Colberts are not on it
      • forgot about Charlene
  • a judge called it the catchiest tune he ever admitted into evidence
  • Stooges have failed at many jobs, but have a great rythm section
  • Nepal
    • named another "Kumari" living goddess
    • passed over for a 3-year-old girl
  • Stephen has the 32 attributes of perfection, which include:
    • body like a lion
    • thighs like a deer
    • stay one night in a room with a dead buffalo and not get scared
      • he was in a frat
    • Also Stephen will not reach child-bearing age


  • Stephen saw it last night and is distributing it online
    • very even-handed left-wing nut-job
  • says the election should be suspended
  • watches FOX News
    • may appear on Bill O'Reilly's show
  • consider a war against Iran
    • maybe Venezuela too
  • Stephen likes Josh Brolin
    • very John Wayne
  • Stephen likes how it shows how Bush developed into a great man
  • Stone may be done in Hollywood
    • portrayed Bush empathetically
    • can't get a date in the 213 area code
  • Great movie or greatest movie
    • greatest movie ever about our greatest president!


  • bad news: good night.


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