Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 23, 2008
Production code:
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  • Job Insecurity
"Who's threatening our jobs!? Wait, people still have jobs!?"
  • Difference-Machers (Ask Your Bubbe)
"Plus, I profile some heroes who are keeping America strong! And, it's not Chinese bankers!"
  • Roosevelt Banker
"Then, I'll ask Newsweek's Jonathan Alter if we need a new FDR! Seriously, the old one is getting kinda gamey!"

Flag quote open clear2
Hey, pants! Why do I have to put you on one leg at a time!? I'm not like everybody else!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
October 23, 2008 The Colbert Report

Opening RageEdit

  • Dr. Colbert has sudden inexplicable affection for His Mob
  • Dow went up 172 points, the economy is fixed
  • scientists found you can x-ray yourself with scotch tape
    • finally Americans have health coverage they can afford
  • horrible depiction of Sarah Palin as a mammal
  • People photoshoppers showed Sarah Palin the way she should always look
    • like an eel or porcelain doll who should never be taken out of the box
    • Todd looks like he drank a tall, cold glass of pubes

Threat DownEdit

#5 Long John Silvers!

  • Offer a fish item that is not fried
  • not frying food is elitist

#4 Iran!

  • chefs in Iran 4,920 foot sandwich
  • developing illegal lunchtime technology

#3 Magnets!

  • depressed people will be magnetized

#2 Monkey waiters!

  • animals replacing human workers
  • Dr. Colbert can use a stick to get termites out of The C-Desk, they're a good source of protein

#1 Larry Flynt

  • for making a movie called "Who's Nailin' Palin?"
  • takes place in Amtrak business class

Difference MakersEdit

  • energy
    • America may lose the Hummer
  • working to save America's Chariot of Freedom
  • mileage cannot compare to lifestyle


  • believes Olbermann is a great resource
    • he rants like he saves his own urine
  • FDR represented a sharp break from the past
    • McCain remembers it
  • bankers know what to do with money
    • average people cheer them
  • Obama has a first class intellect and first class temperament
  • McCain is alot like FDR
    • FDR was paralyzed; McCain lost his spine during the 2008 campaign
  • conservatives exist because Roosvelt gave them something to hate


  • that's it for "The Report" everybody, good night!


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