Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
December 3, 2008
Production code:
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  • Cabinet Installation
"The media reacts to Barack Obama's cabinet picks! There's a debate over whether to shower with him praise or adulation!?"
  • Check Point Churlish
"Then, I profile another border security success story! I believe that makes two!"
  • Tear Down That Walters
"And, Barbara Walters is here to promote her special: The Ten Most Fascinating People of 2008! Funny, I don't remember her interviewing me ten times!"

Flag quote open clear2
Portions of this show may have been prerecorded! I've done so many, it's hard to remember!
This is
The Colbert Report!
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~ Stephen Colbert
December 3, 2008 The Colbert Report


  • Dr. Colbert doesn't mean to alarm us
    • our last moments on Earth shouldn't be
  • spider on ISS escaped
    • part of NASA's animal torture experiments
  • can a monkey peel a banana underwater
  • can a horse parachute
  • can you make tang from dehydrated flamingo
  • sending animals into space make them 50 feet tall
  • the spider will be looking for Stephen's DNA (MeNA)
    • 8 legs deep in Dr. Colbert's space junk
    • eight legs mean 8 balls
  • Thank God Dr. Colbert was not replaced by a man-spider hybrid


  • Doris Kearns Goodwin said
"It's the end of the world bitches better learn you some Chinese!"
  • makes it hard to undermine PE Obama
    • only after he's fixed Stephen's 401k
  • Many republicans have praised him
    • approve of his team
    • George Stephanopolis played "In Your Eyes" to Obama
  • say something nice while being a douchebag at the same time
  • Rush is the master
    • wired to
    • praised Obama's pick of Hillary Clinton
  • Obama is so cunning he makes Lex Luxor look like a candy striper
  • Sean Hannity approves of Obama's cabinet choices as well
  • Obama will put Hillary Clinton's hand in warm water while she's sleeping
  • Obama maneuvered his mother in law to live in the White House so she can't run against him in 2012
  • Obama also chose to be black
  • possible to damn him with our praise


  • border patrol
    • keep foreigners out
    • keep Americans from returning
  • best way to visit a foreign country:
    • riding in on a bomb
  • Mike Milne
    • border patrol agent
  • Border Patrol Agents prevented subversive knitter from re-entering America after visiting Canada for an art concert or thing
  • artists love to shock by knitting and crocheting
    • SUVs
    • guns
    • tanks
    • dog sweaters
  • Radical Lace & Subversive Knitting


  • Barbara Walters
  • new TV special: "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008"
    • she will be the second most fascinating person in her interview
"To Babs: You are hot"
  • Stephen then smelled the pen
  • Stephen recreated a Barbara Walters interview with ferns and soft focus
  • she had interviewed:
    • Rush Limbaugh
    • Will Smith
    • Tom Cruise
    • Tina Fey
    • Michael Phelps, who can breathe underwater
      • among other things
  • Stephen would have been on the list, but he doesn't like accomplishing things
    • he was #11
  • Stephen is afraid to go on The View
    • they seem like a race of tribal women
  • people are only fascinating for one year
  • she has interviewed cannibals
  • fascination goes in the wind
  • book: "Audition"
  • Stephen has no problems because he has confidence
    • she has none
  • Stephen announces that she got the part


  • (missed it)


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