This entire article is a parody...
All You have to do is touch your wiener
The gays' first plan is to turn everyone in the world gay, or at least liberal. They have already taken over Congress, Television. Hollywood, and Nascar. The homosexuals have become a serious threat to our nation. They were like sleeper agents waiting for the right moment. They have us all being fashionable and listening to Madonna for Pete's sake! What's next? Will straight men start wear eyeliner? Oh wait. Those damn emo kids already started that. But here's the plan: God hates homosexuals. We all know that sooner or later he is going to have to come down and fix this mess. When he finally does, we can all go back to the days of having as many wives as the basement can hold. What does that have to do with the gays you ask? .....um.......Oh, did I mention gays were hurting America with their penises?
The Most Dangerous of the Homosexuals
|Terrorist Gay mooslims Greatest Threat to Real America!!|
It is a well documented fact that the most dangerous homosexuals are the ones that turn Stephen Colbert on. These include, but are not limited to, Jon Stewart, George Clooney, Tom Brady, and Bill O'Reilly. Colbert does not need to be thinking these things. George Clooney and Tom Brady must be kept as far away from Colbert as possible, preferably in modern maximum-security prisons. Fortunately, Colbert has been able to keep his feelings for Stewart in that same giant tumor where he keeps his emotions. Don't worry though; he'll have it painfully removed in eight to ten years. Bill O'Reilly, thank God, Colbert would only do if he had a gun to his head.
|Gay Terrorist Senator demands free money|
Controlling Popular Culture
Not any more. The Homo Agenda has moved into all matter of electronic devices and environs, including even the internets. Homos used to be satisfied with their monopoly on techno music, but now, they have infiltrated gay technology that's actually of some use (but still gay). They are disguised as "Metro-males" and they are distracting us all - heaven forbid!
"Everyone is gay for Bridget"
Created by the gayest Japanese game artists, Bridget is the most adorable (yes, adorable!) guy ever to appear in all of the history in the fighting games genre. This fictional character turned many of American gamers gay, when everyone knows it part of God's plan that they never have sex at all.
Infiltrating Charity Organizations
Everyone knows that the gay threat starts at home, which is why the gays are trying to gayfy America by infiltrating our homes. Over the years the gays tried to use Charitable Organizations as a conduct to spread the gay agenda. At first, it looked like teh geys are trying to help the poor during their time of suffering, but dont be fooled. This is just a trick to deceive the public with the idea that gay people have feelings, which they dont! They have gay feelings, which is very different from Real American feelings.
We have evidence that the moment people accept gay money, they become addictive to it. Soon people cant stop from getting more of that gay money, to the point that they are giving bj's behind a trucker's stop for more of that gay money. Their insatiable hunger for gay money cannot be fixed, it is already too late for some people.
But gay money is not the only way that teh gey menace can corrupt and destroy our society. They gays are trying to influence our thinking by buying us disease ridden gay gifts to be spread to the rest of the country in the guise of charity. We all know the truth, you accept a gay gift and you are infected with teh gey disease, just like the Indians were infected with smallpox when they took those blankets from the charitable nice white people (and the rude Indians didnt even say thanks after they died out, very rude!).
Nation, if you are homeless and cold, do not accept that blanket from teh geys, it could be infected with teh gey cooties!
Being critical of the gay lifestyle is FAR more important than alleviating the suffering of the poor. After all, the poor will give us thanks from saving them from the gay menace.
How To Spot A Homosexual
Some people, Colbert included, have terrible gaydar. This guide is for any and all so afflicted.
1. Gay people love the colour pink, a variation of red which as we all know is the symbol of communism. (Don't let the liberal media fool you into believing that red is the color of the GOP. The color of the GOP is a very light maroon-blue, which is a very, very manly color going back to biblical times).
4. Gay people are contagious. When someone says you're gay...its true and theres no denying it. This is universal. However, there is a defense against having gays call you gay though the technicalities of this have not yet been field tested (specifically...not investing the majority of your free time around silly homophobes). it is believe that this would not apply to everyone. Only gays. If this happens to you...immediately retract all recent gay decisions you've made to avoid future occurrences. Though, you're still gay...so theres really no point. Don't touch me.
5. Gay people are notorious for writing entire articles on wiki's about gay people, positive or negative. Usually they are closeted but some are also self hating. The best way to tell who is gay is to reverse search wiki edits to find their IP address, from there its simple to find them and put them on notice. If your friend writes an anti gay article, watch out, they are probably a part of the homosexual race.
6. Gay people have an anomaly in their cerebral cortex which causes them to deviate from the norm and try out acts, what normal people call un-natural. This anomaly also have other affects on on their cognitive functions. Autism is one of the characteristics of this condition. Also, the other extreme can also be a symptom of this condition. Causing Homosexuals to be super friendly and alluring. Watch out for the loner and the too friendly person next time before they try to rip your clothes off and have their way with you.
- Further information on spotting homosexuals.
- One Man's Battle
- The Homosexual Agenda: The Destruction of America's Finances
- Obama's Homosexual Agenda
- Gay man assaults police!
- Car company is actually run by homos!
- Gay terrorist infiltrates government and rants hateful anti-american speech
- HOMOS restricts freedom of speech
- Homophobia is a product of the Gay Agenda: Propaganda of Hatred Against Straight People! Stop the Hate!
- Emergency News!! Gays Takes Over Church and Starts Gay Orgy!!!!
- The Truth About The Gay Agenda: They Want to Raep Our Wymin!!!
- Gay Spy to spy our bedrooms!
- The Gays to kidnap our children to have Hot Gay Sex with them!!
- New Gay Agenda: To Legalize Gay-Rape-Marriage
- Gay Candy to go on sale: Subliminal Message and Gay Chemical to turn Heterosexual men gay
- Gay Teachers to gay-brainwash our children
- Gays infiltrates GOP!!!
- Gay attempts to gay brain wash a Real American
- Gays continue to infiltrate America's Schools
- Gay Machine Invades No Fact Zone!!!
- Two gay men arrested for attempting to kidnap children and straight people to their devious dungeon of perversion
- Teh Geys have now magical rings!!!
- Evidence that the UN is full of teh geys
- Gays infiltrates Frat House
- Obama appoints Gay Czar to promote Homosexuality
- Gay Man set Free: Hide Your Children!
- Gay Terrorist Cell exposed!
- unamerican traitor supports gay rights
- Gays now control America's justice system!
- Hate Crime Bill claims first victim: good kid goes to jail
- Real Americans to stop the threat of Teh Gey Army
- IS OVER, GAYS TAKES OVER GOVERNMENT: HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOW MANDATORY!
- Teh Geys are continuing to brainwash our children
- Gays to conquer africa
- Gays to rob the tax payers and bankrupt nation
- Welfare Queens joins the gay army
- America's Gays converts to mooslim religion!
- Cure for Gayness on its way
- Gay Agenda to turn zombies gay stopped
- Homo Agenda already successfully brainwashed this kid
- Gay Man takes over government
- Gays takes over tv!
- Afrikan Gays invades Mythical land of Afrika
- GOP demands more freedom to prosecute gays
- Uganda joins fights against
- Gay men thinks corduroy skirts are a sin!
- GOP to hunt down Gay threat
- The Gays takes over Video Games
- Homo subliminal message already infiltrating America's tv
- Gays takes over High School theaters!
- Venezuela overrun by gays
- Gays form alliance with Trannies
- Gays takes over Australia
- Militant Gays takes Over Uganda Government!!!!
- Vatican to stop the gay threat with
- The Gays are now Taking Over Las Vegas sex industry!
- America Agrees: Gays are disgusting and have cooties
- Rwanda to fight off gay threat
- Gay Agenda continues to brainwash our children!
- Gay teachers stealing our children's innocence
- Libural Ugandan's demand less killing and more jailing of Gays
- Humble Evangelist refuses to take credit on the creation and passing of the "kill all gays" bill
- New Gay plan to use straight money to turn it into gay money
- How aids is helping the gay agenda
- How the gays are trying to infiltrate God's home
- Gay Mecca destroyed
- Texas stops gay agenda
- The Gay Agenda continues to corrupt our children
- Gay judge sets dangerous precedent, all judges must be gay now