The RMS Titanic was a ship that sank a long ass time ago..like 1912. It was 882' 9" long. That's makes it a wittle kitty compared to modern boats (Yes I mean BOATS). It only sank because it was British and not American.
It took 73 years to find it underwater; but it was found by an AMERICAN. Suck on that one USSR. It had approximately 2,200 people on board and only 706 survived. All of them are dead now so NO you can't interview any of them. The last one to kick the bucket was the youngest on board anyway at about 9 months old.
They claimed it was unsinkable but knew better. This was also the time when they could advertise their product as able to do ANYTHING, without the liability for being sued by them there rich folk.
Memo: Osama Bin Iceberg Determined to Strike Titanic[edit | edit source]
For years liberals have accused William Howard Taft of knowing that an iceberg attack was inevitable and that the Titanic received an advance warning of such an impending doom but that it was ignored because it would have upset
the rich passengers and ruin their pleasure trip.
They also accused Taft on being soft on Icebergs (this was the beginning of The War on Terra). This is a lie, we all know that the Obama administration used a time machine and then they caused the iceberg to attack the Titanic.
So it is all Obama's fault, case closed.
Shortage of Life Boats[edit | edit source]
- "Ladies and gentlemen! This is your Captain speaking and I am sorry to announce that Titanic: The Unsinkable Ship is actually sinking! Who knew? Anyway, legal is telling us that we cant be sued for "deceptive advertising", because we never made such a claim. No, really! Look it up! But I am digressing so back to the announcement, because of the sinking we are having a clearance sale on life boats. Anyone who is wealthy, white (and I mean protestant white, not Irish Catholic white), and male (no need for crossdressing boys, but whatever floats your boat. I kid) you better reserve your own life boat before it is too late!! So poor people, you are royally screwed up today! But look at the bright side, your corpses will have the honor of being used as raw materials for new life boats when we run out of boats for the wealthy passengers. We are going green, people!"
After the death of so many poor
and rich people, the Welfare Queen community started to sue the White Star Line for homicidal negligence. They accused the company of failing to maintain acceptable numbers of life boats for every passenger to guarantee their safety.
Sorry poor people, but this is
America Britain and life boats are not a right but a privilege. If they didnt want to die drowning on the icy cold waters of the Atlantic Ocean, maybe next time they should work harder and save enough money to save your rich poor asses just like many white rich folks did. If the White Star Line were forced to provide a life boat for every poor passenger then it would cut on their profit margins, forcing them to be out of business. How are you going to cross the Atlantic ocean next time? Are you going to swim all the way to New York?
The alternative would had been to increase ticket prices for poor passengers to cover the rising cost to justify the purchase of new life boats. It would had been a matter of time before the liberals started accusing White Star Line of discriminating and punishing the poor working class with higher ticket prices, because that is what they do.
Luckily justice prevailed as it was proven that poor people have no rights and it is their fault for not being born
rich with a skin that insulates them from cold temperatures.
Also, they should learn how to swim. I mean you are in a boat crossing the Atlantic Ocean during Iceberg season with insufficient life boats, you knew the risks.
|Category||Number aboard||Number of survivors||Percentage survived||Number lost||Percentage lost|
|The Undesirable Class|
Investigation[edit | edit source]
Captain Noah has claimed that the reason the Titanic sank was because Captain Smith was a godless sodomite.
Another popular theory is that the Titanic actually sank due to the excess weight of too many time travelers who had travelled back to stop the ship from sinking.
The April 14 Twelfth for Truth (4-14-12 or Titanic Truthers)[edit | edit source]
In exchange for winning the Presidency, Woodrow Wilson allowed the gays to join the navy (he won a lot of the gay vote). To this day gay bears rule the seas.
The Canadian/Hollywood Connection[edit | edit source]
Celine Dion made a billion dollars with the sale of the Titanic CD Soundtrack, coincidence?
Even more suspicious, Canadians celebrate the sinking of the Titanic as Celine Dion's Day. They even have a museum!
Even more suspiciousner, James Cameron, a Canadian film maker, became super famous after the success of his film.
But perhaps suspiciousnerist, the picture to the right indicates a rounded front end for Titanic. In reality, it was pointy. Also, there is light in the water as if they were in shallow water. I call 2 1/2 miles below the surface shallow.
If anything, the sinking of the Titanic made a lot of people super rich and famous. I am looking at you Hollywood.
Titanic: The Movie[edit | edit source]
Titanic (the movie) - is a movie about a ship full of sodomites which teaches a valid fable regarding the mixing of classes.
A very successful hot chick fucks (later determined as an attempted rape) a lowly inherently unsuccessful bastard. Both of them, along with the ship and its passengers, are punished by God for their unforgivable sin.
I cant wait for the porno version of this film.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- No Refunds. Read the fine print.
- Thee was thine glorious days of promotional campaign, killeth by thine hands of heathen liberals.
- We have no evidence of this but our guts tell us this is the truth
- back in 1912 killing poor people was an acceptable sport.
- After the sinking of the Titanic, Democratic Congress passed a bill called "Universal Life Boats": a law that makes it mandatory for luxury liners to maintain safety regulations and to provide life boats for every passenger, even those with pre-existing conditions (like poverty and lack of swimming lessons). The bill is known as "Socialized Cruising" among Conservatives. Many Real Americans agree that the strict law is stifling individual rights to cross the oceans in an unsafe manner and threatening our free market values. The Republican Party has promised to repeal this Socialist Death Boat bill to save the Luxury Liner Industry.
- Many White Star Line employees made a killing that year on the sale of life boats, literally.
- The rich are not born with a thick skin to insulate them from cold temperatures, but they make it up with the purchase of a conscience-free lifestyle