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Troops the one percenters

They occupy countries so Wall Street doesn't have to.

American soldiers bring freedom to oppressed countries. Since the founding our God's favorite country, the troops have been showered with candy and flowers upon their arrival in the formerly unsaved country. Recent examples of the candy-flower homage came from the natives of Vietnam in 1965, Somalia in 1994, and then in Iraq in 2003, where the overwhelming amount of candy and flowers crushed and killed over 4,000+ soldiers.

In the United States, women consider solders in uniforms the most desirable sex symbol. Anybody wearing a uniform will get laid. Becoming a soldier is among the top three career choices held by American school children, although only the brightest and most privileged young men are accepted by the armed forces, despite what John Kerry might say (he's just jealous).

By serving in the armed forces, American soldiers acquire expert skills, such as computer science, to become leaders in their civilian careers.

Criticizing the President of the United States must be considered an act against the troops, which is treason defined by The United States Constitution.

In 2003, the "Support Our Troops" bumper sticker became a requirement on all motor vehicles. Vehicles without such stickers are supporters of terrorism, Saddam Hussein, and Bears.

And so are their drivers.

Our TroopsEdit

The liberators. They bring peace and democracy to liberal countries throughout the world by fighting the global war on terror. Terrorists tremble before them, hiding in caves and spider holes.


Maybe we are not so different after all…

History of the US militaryEdit

In 1776 Jesus, the Founding Fathers and George W. Bush's great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpappy gathered in Philadelphia trying to determine how to create a source of pure good in the world. After much debate the US military was born.

The US military is like Superman: all powerful but with one weakness, kryptonite. While Superman's kryptonite may be an amalgam of minerals and elements, the soldiers' kryptonite comes in the form of liberals and Dixie Chicks CDs. Anyone who allows liberals to criticize our president might as well be shoving a fistful of kryptonite down Superman's throat — unless the president is Bill Clinton.

Support & CareEdit

Our troops receive only the best in medical care. In addition to the Walter Reed Army Medical Center for care during service to God and Country, soldiers receive life-long medical care from Veteran Affairs after retirement. They even get the finest in casualty care from the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences before God takes over.

In 2009, Chairman Comrade Barack Hussein Obama ended all medical care for military personnel and veterans. He replaced it with Muslim-based healthcare. All people in the armed services will receive care from a private insurance corporation with ties to Al Qaeda and/or Barbra Streisand.

Coalition TroopsEdit

Some refer to them as Coalition Forces. A term used to describe the overwhelming support by other countries' troops for the Iraq liberation operation. It includes many great nations. Poland and Bulgaria, for example. Coalition troops often heroicly invade their own lands, so that America doesn't have to. They then invite American generals and politicians to complete their transitions to democracy. Those most eager to collaborate are even allowed to Americanize themselves with time.

Troop SizeEdit

Other countries have small troops. Some, like France, can send in a small peace-keeping force where the massive balls of American troops are not required. Britain appears to be the only other reliable source of troops.


You forgot Poland!

Gay SoldiersEdit

Obama Pussyfies our TroopsEdit

Obama is now corrupting our troops by encouraging them to save lives instead of taking them! This is clearly the worst thing that a leader could do for our troops by corrupting them with hippie ideals. The Bible teaches us that the one who kills the most is the most loved by God, so we should instead encourage our troops to make the killing a sport and even turn our prey into trophies by setting a taxidermy office within our bases, I assure you this will increase morale.

This new study shows that Obama has not only pussyfied our troops but it has affected our political leaders.

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

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