ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

Baby Jesus
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
Austin Powers
Does Uberhot
make you horny, baby?


Ursula Andress
The FIRST Uberhottie!

Uberhot (pronunciation: ooooo-brrrrr-HOT) (adjective) Origin: When, in James Bond's Dr. No Ursula Andress walked out of the ocean wearing nothing but a diver's knife, circa 1962.

  1. An insanely hot woman on whom one cannot gaze without getting an immediate Erection.



Dita Von Teese
Fetish Goddess, illegitimate daughter of Betty Page and Gen. Douglas A. MacArthur.


Faith Hill
First Lady of Country Music and Republican Goddess.

  • They always swallow. A lady knows it's impolite to spit.
  • They always carry knives and/or guns, usually of a high caliber.
  • Are usually double jointed.
  • Regardless of birth are automatically granted American citizenship.

For the ultimate gallery of Uberhotness, Click Here:Venus Rising



Milla Jovovich
Queen of Zombie killers, hottest woman in the Universe.


Shania Twain
Is NOT Canadian!
We have kidnapped her to America and insemenated her with Country Music.

Lifetime Acheivement AwardEdit

Fictional UberhottiesEdit


Danica Patrick
Indy Race Car Goddess and the fastest woman in the Universe (after Capt. Janeway).


The Blessing of Uberhotness is a gift from The Baby Jesus soley to please Stephen Colbert. Sadly there are those that would use squander gift for Evil pursuits in the interest of Satan and his minions, the Liberals and Bears.

Cause for BanishmentEdit


Britney Spears
Biritney was shocked and disappointed when informed by TMZ of being stripped of Uberhotness.

Note: This is only a partial list. Banishment is at the sole discretion of our blessed Stephen Colbert. Banishment made be rescinded for most offenses if the offender: Repents, atones, and is Nailed.

  1. Treason (Lifetime)
  2. Adoption of an Alien Mud Baby
  3. Participating in Unamerican activities.
  4. Owning a Prius or other Hybrid car.
  5. Becoming or being:
    1. Non-hot Lesbian
    2. $cientologist
    3. Beard or Fag Hag
    4. Cardboard Box (Lifetime)
    5. Obese
    6. Plastic Surgery Experiment (Lifetime)
    7. Communist
    8. An Idiot
    9. Transsexual (Lifetime)



Jane Fonda
Wearing an NVA steel pot helmet and sitting in an anti-aircraft gun. She shot down John McCain and is a Traitor. She should be executed..

Banned For LifeEdit

See AlsoEdit

Other Uberhotties

is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.
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