W A R N I N G ! ! !
is not intended for drunken frat boys
when you touch yourself you make The Baby Jesus sad!
Keep your hands where we can see them!

Body Parts Series

Figure 1. A much more accurate depiction of the vagina drawn by Dr. Henry Gray of the text, "Gray's Anatomy"

The vagina is an alleged sexual organ said to be known of only by married American heterosexuals that have passed an abstinence-only program funded by the Bush Adminstration. Like the internets, it is said to be a series of tubes, but not a dump truck or clown car. Strangely however, the vagina tubes and the internet tubes are inversely proportional, as the more familiar one is with one set of tubes, the less familiar with the other.

Alleged Existence

The existence of the vagina is somewhat controversial, some say that it is merely a mythological artifact, while others claim to see it every day. Most of the latter types of people are women. Dr. Edward Giles, Dungeons and Dragons gamemaster, claims that "[the vagina] is a holy grail that doesn't exist. It was a legend crafted by females in order to subvert men into getting cooties."

Uses Over History

Over the course of history, the vagina has been theorised to be where babies come from, but it is more likely that storks bring babies to those in need. The vagina has also been said to bring pleasure to men, but some could argue that it only brings tyranny. Wikiality chooses to take a neutral stance on this argument. It has also played a big role in the entertainment industry, because without the vagina, lesbian porn and Natalie Portman would not exist.

It has been theorized that the vagina can produce female orgasm. But this cannot be confirmed as no Republican male has ever observed one (nixo facto, they do not exist).

It is also theorized that Madonna's vagina can devour slaves, thus dooming them to forever serve her.

Medical Uses

There are limited practical medical uses for the vagina and no one is quite sure what, if anything, it is used for. However, according to a study done by Yale University, a female can asexually clone herself once a month through a process similar to molting, which involves sloughing the outer layer of skin from her uterus. A much more accurate depiction of the vagina, drawn by Dr. Henry Gray of the text Gray's Anatomy can be seen in Figure 1., above.

If left to their own devices, women will cram any old object into their vaginas. Legally, only authorized heterosexual penises are allowed to penetrate the vaginal opening, and then only while on top, in bed, under the covers, clothed above the waist, and with the lights off.[1]

Terms Used In Place of Vagina

A lesbian artists' depiction of The Vagina

The Lord's Good Works via a Christian Vagina

A national publication gets jiggy wit it

A list of terms used in place of "vagina"

  • Axe (or hatchet) wound
  • Baby Chute
  • Baby Gap
  • Baby Maker
  • Bearded Clam
  • Beaver
  • Beef (or Meat) Curtains
  • Birth Canal
  • Bitch Wrinkle
  • Bush
  • Built in Pocket
  • Clam
  • Cooch
  • Cooter
  • Cunt
  • Down There
  • Five-Hole
  • Fish Taco
  • Flange
  • Gash
  • Gut locker
  • Happy Hole
  • Ham Wallet
  • Holiest of Holies
  • Hoodia
  • Hot Pocket
  • Michelle Malkin
  • Minge or Mingy if refering to Oprah's vagina
  • Mother Teresa
  • Muff
  • Meat Locker
  • Peach
  • Peekachoo
  • Pink Taco
  • Pink and Black Sock
  • Poon
  • Poontang
  • Poonani
  • Punani
  • Pussy
  • Quim (Quymn)
  • Ricky Gervais
  • Snatch
  • Sperm Dumpster
  • Slit
  • Squish Mitten
  • The Great Vagi
  • The Great Gates of Shangri-La
  • Trim
  • Tuna Taco
  • Twat
  • The Reason Men Talk To You
  • The Ol' Money Maker
  • The Va Jay Jay
  • Vajagisnatch
  • Vag
  • Vagine - Used to make one seem more worldly when discussing vagina
  • Vagoo
  • Vageenis
  • Vertical Smile
  • The Virgin Mary
  • Wizard Sleeves
  • duster mounds
  • Muffin

See Also


  1. On his show, The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert discussed vaginal-related issues with gay sex columnist, Dan Savage. During the program, Stephen described the only acceptable heterosexual sex:
    "It's man and woman. Woman on her back, her eyes closed thinking of something else."
    Presumably, the vagina is included in this procedure at some point.

External Sources