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War On Drugs
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

A protracted conflict waged against the evil forces of drugs, the unimaginatively titled War on Drugs is a never-ending black hole into which vast amounts of money and blood flow. Much like the War on Terror.

But in late 2005 Stephen Colbert revealed a shocking fact to the unsuspecting world: the War on Drugs is fictional! Disgust and scorn swept through the Colbert Nation, until we all discovered the reason for this blatant act of untruthiness.

What exactly is the War on Drugs?

The "War" is a means of combating several enemies of America.

Who is the "enemy" in the War on Drugs

As mentioned above, terrorists are (now) a primary enemy in the war. But other combatants also exist. Hopefully they will soon be consigned to Gitmo or Hell (whichever is more horrible).

What can I do to help America in this War?

Send your money, and your drugs, to any of the following individuals. Send it all. Especially the drugs!

  • The Greatest President Ever (he won't use them, honest. He just wants to look at them.)
  • Jenna and Barbara Bush (same as above.)
  • Dick Cheney (the drugs help strengthen both his heart and his trigger finger.)
  • Rush Limbaugh (the OxyContin and hydrocodone don't work any more. Don't allow his hearing to return. Like Beethoven he needs total silence to find clarity.)


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