Keep smiling and don't make any sudden movements.
By watching you, we're protecting you.

U R Here.jpg
Animated USflag.gif
White House
is one of the ways God Blessed America.
      What the fuck Clinton is god less Truman like hooker and Reagen was no 2 

The White House is where The Greatest President EVER! lives. The address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington D.C.. Oddly, it is not in the United States. It is one of the most holy places in the world.

It was fashioned from the wood of a pirate ship. And has bugging devices every 10 feet.


The White House was designed by George Washington. The British claim to have burned the white house down in the Revolutionary War part 2, but Jesus came down and destroyed all the British within 3 miles to save the white house. Thats why we call it the House that Jesus built.

Notable Artifacts in The White House

The William Henry Harrison Wall of Single-Term Presidents

John Adams- 1797-1801: Jesus came down and deemed his wasn't doing a good job and promptly removed him from office.

John Quincy Adams- 1825-1829: Like father, like son. He didn't do a good job and Jesus had to remove him just like his no good father.

Martin Van Buren- 1837-1841: He hated Eli Whitney and his damned cotton gin. Reportedly rode on a train and shouted,"Down with the cotton gin."

William Henry Harrison- 1841-1841: He did such a good job that Jesus came and took him to heaven after only 30 days.

John Tyler- 1841-1845: Took over for Harrison. He used to beat his kids, at marbles and threw a party when Harrison died. "I never liked him anyway", Tyler reportedly said.

James K. Polk- 1845-1849: The Polka was named after him because he loved to play his accordian. Nuff said.

Zachary Taylor- 1849-1850: Nicknamed "Old rough and ready" because he had really dry skin and was always ready for something.

Millard Fillmore- 1850-1853: Only president who hated the people who voted for him. They always made fun of his name, Millard.

Franklin Pierce- 1853-1857: Tried to persuade Spain to sell him Cuba because he himself wanted to become dictator after his term as president was over.

James Buchanan- 1857-1861: The only president to ever possibly be gay, he was unmarried and never tried to impress women. Women are attracted to power and he had the most and never capitalized. GAY!

Abe Lincoln- 1861-1865: Best known for starting the war of Northern Aggression, he was angry because he wanted all the slaves in the South. Killed at a play because it was so terrible he died.

Andrew Johnson- 1865-1869: He was a traitor to his home state of Tennessee during the Civil War. He stayed in the North during the Civil War because he loved his cushy senate job too much.

Rutherford B. Hayes- 1877-1881: Appointed a former Confederate to a cabinet post during his term. Obviously more loyal to the South than Andrew Johnson.

James Garfield- 1881-1881: That famous lasagna loving cat was named after this president, because he was a fat slob who just ate all day.

Chester Arthur- 1881-1885: He got congress to suspend the influx of Chinese Immigrants because he didn't want Communism in America.

Grover Cleveland- 1885-1889: Only man to serve 2 1-term reigns.

Benjamin Harrison- 1889-1893: Grandfather was William Henry Harrison, he didn't bring Tyler with him.

William McKinley- 1897-1901: Has Mt. McKinley named after him, not sure why though.

William H. Taft- 1909-1913: Legend has it he once got stuck in a bathtub. But that was just the liberal media trying to discredit his good name.

Warren Harding- 1921-1923: The terrorists got him to have a heart attack in 1923, and thus set us on the road to world war 2.

Herbert Hoover- 1929-1933: He caused the stock market to crash because he wanted to go down in history for something.

John F. Kennedy- 1961-1963: Not dead, but living with Elvis somewhere in Iowa.

Gerald Ford- 1974-1977:Pardoned Nixon and helped establish the ford motor company.

Jimmy Carter- 1977-1981: Was never more than a peanut farmer, just happened to get a new address.

George H.W. Bush- 1989-1993: Not known for what he did, but known for who son is. Fathered the Greatest President Ever.

The Harry Truman Hooker Tunnel

The Ronald Reagan Sleeping Nook

Ronald Reagan's favorite place to sleep, a small place located on the outskirts of the east wing, where he went to sleep if the pressure of being the 2nd greatest president got to him.

Bill Clinton's Favorite Desk

It was on (or under) this infamous desk that one of the most Godless presidents in America's history did the dirty business. When George W. Bush took office, the desk was promptly removed and sent to the fiery pits of hell for eternity. And thank the Lord baby Jesus for that.

White House Legends

George Walker Bush (the greatest president ever)

Lincoln's Ghost

Lincoln's Ghost has lived in the White House for almost 200 years. It is even rumored that he warned Lincoln of his impending assassination. Nowadays he roams the White House making noises and entertaining the President. His favorite spot is the Harry Truman Hooker Tunnel because that's where the ghost hookers live. He is believed to be the voice of God that President Bush hears.

Dolley Madison's Bakery

It was in the infamous White House kitchen in the summer of 1659 that Dolly Madison, wife of the fourth president James Madison, created the first apple pie. It just so happened that James Madison was outside on the White House lawn in the middle of playing a new, American game called baseball. When Dolly finished baking, she brought the pie out for James and his hungry teammates. And so merged the two greatest American icons EVER.

The Bush Family S&M Chamber

The Bush family does not have an S&M chamber.

The Gannon Glory Hole

People Who Have Visited

  • For the White House Visitors' Log, please click here

See Also

External Tubes

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.